So, after having a fab few days away, by myself! I was going to sit and blog about my ‘dating’ disasters & encounters, and try and make us all giggle and raise a smile, but then I’ve seen on a few forums that I am on , that more and more ladies are going through what I am/have & I wanted to do a post for them; to reach out and offer a virtual hug and just say it WILL be ok; it may not feel like it right now, it may take days/weeks/months, but you WILL come out of it stronger and better, you are NOT alone in what you are feeling or thinking.
Yes, we have never met but I’m laying open my life so people can see life does go on, maybe not as I planned in my head; but I’m actually happier and in a better place mentally & physically .
One of my guy friends asked what my blog was about; why do it; fair question I feel. I do this blog it so I don’t send myself crazy overthinking the ‘what ifs’, wondering what else I could/should have done, but also so others in this situation can see/feel they are not alone.
Break ups are the hardest thing to deal with when your not expecting it; even harder when it means packing your life up in boxes & having to start all over again- in a new town; leaving treasured friends behind and a job you love. For me, in the past 4 months I have lost my husband, my home, my cats, my car, my job and had to say goodbye to 4 v close friends who now live nearly 5hrs away. I had to pack my life into a car and re-start it again; and re-start it I have- except this is the new, happier version.
I have a new job that I’ve grown to enjoy, I have a new car that makes me enjoy driving again and I’m proud to own, I’ve re-connected with old friends that I left behind and have made new ones, I’ve lost 2st in weight and plan to lose more, I’ve taken up new hobbies (Burlesque chair dancing) and am picking up old ones (horse riding).
It hasn’t been easy; I have had some amazing support from friends who have picked the phone up and just let me cry down the line to them, my family have let me grieve for what was but also encouraged me to dust myself off and piece together a new life. The main thing is no one has tried to rush me or tell me what to do. Do what you need to heal (within reason). Mine has been to clear out my wardrobe and re-style and soften my image; jeans and hoodies have been replaced with pretty dresses and shoes; to book a full day tattoo session; to disappear for a few days to the coast on my own.
Don’t be afraid to let yourself have bad days; that’s normal, but they will pass and lessen. Talk to your friends, family, work- don’t bottle it up; say if your having a bad day, sometimes an offer of a cup of tea, a bar of chocolate and a good cry will make you feel ok again.
Don’t focus on what was, focus on what you can and will do; set small targets and steps.
People are always asking me if I find it weird that my ex hasn’t been in contact since 20th January; no texts/calls/letters- nothing, just ‘radio silence’. Why would we speak? We have no children or mortgage, no ties that mean we need to talk. Either of us can do the divorce; I’ve looked into it, but frankly I’m busy spending my money on Lindy Bop dresses, Irregular choice shoes, tattoos and having a life. It doesn’t affect me personally, still being married, I sold my rings months ago and have changed my surname via deed poll. How it will affect my dating prospects; well i’ll cross that bridge when I need to, it’s not something i’ll hide.
Please do not feel your alone, your not, and don’t feel like what your feeling and thinking isn’t rational- it is, and it WILL pass. Don’t be afraid to talk, to share your thoughts- start a blog like me.
All I can offer is a virtual hug for those that are going through this, and the promise that it WILL get better.