So a week ago tomorrow; I took off for a mini break to the coast; all by myself, for some much needed space and time away from everyone and everything. I came back feeling refreshed and relaxed and ready to face the world again, or so I thought.
The reality is; i’m still not ok, and the past few days; leading up to tonight, have shown that.
I know I WILL be ok, eventually, but not yet; my wounds are still healing and i’m still fighting the battle inside me. I’m not ashamed to say i’m having a ‘wobble’, i’d rather be open and honest about it than bottle it up; let it take over and drag me down.
I don’t miss my ex; I miss my cats, my house, my furniture, my friends, my life that I had- the freedom.
I am still adjusting to this ‘new’ life; where I don’t have bundles of warm purring fur to scoop up and cuddle when i’m feeling down or need to de-stress, I don’t have my house that I’ve made feel like home with my ideas for wall colours and new flooring, my friends that know me best, can’t just nip round a for a cuppa and a rant.
I DO have a loving family; a roof over my head and an income coming in- and I am very grateful for those things, but don’t have anyone; 4 legged or 2 legged to share those things with.
What I crave the most is to have someone to just pull me into a hug and tell me that they know it’s not ok now, but it will get better and easier in time, and that they will help stick those broken pieces of me back together, no matter how long it will take or hard it is. That they know i’ll never be fully ‘fixed’ again, but understand why and accept me and my flaws.
I don’t want a knight in shining armour; his armour should be dented and scorched: proof he’s not afraid to fight some battles and dragons.