So, here we are in June already. At the end of this month, it will be have been 6 whole months since I last actually saw my ‘husband’, 6 whole months since he walked out and left me, but I have heard from him! (since the ranting call on 20th Jan).
Did he contact me to ask how I was? To see if we could make amends? To say he was sorting the divorce? No. He messaged me asking for pictures of his old horse, on the anniversary of her being PTS…..
He didn’t ask how I was feeling that day, or apologise for thinking it was ok to contact me out of the blue like that; for something, in the grand scheme of things, was trivial.
My initial reaction was to respond with anger, one of WTF and to tell him where to shove his request. But then I stopped and thought about it; that would be the reaction he’d want and expect, he could then go and run to his friends and family and prove how he was right- that I was a heartless b*tch and controlling but I also knew that I needed to be, and am, the bigger and better person. So I sent them; and got no thanks in return.
So here we are; back at the uneasy stalemate stage. I know I’ve moved on in terms of weight loss, a new job, a new car, I’ve even had my long hair cut shorter as part of the ‘new me’. But we are still no closer to resolving the final ending of this marriage.
I have to say that the past 5-6months have flown by; I’ve felt lonely a few times, but I have no desire to rush out and meet anyone new. I need to find me and my style first; my mum says i’m like a butterfly emerging from final the transformation stage. If I happen to cross paths with someone, who is prepared to sweep me off my feet and hold my hand through the rocky parts that are still to come; then i’m prepared to take chance. But i’m not going to search for ‘Mr Right’ this time; he can come find me and accept me for who I am; flaws and all.